Saturday, 12 January 2013
MY DARKEST DAY**
My eyes plead for rest, but where I come from; Dreaming means Death. Dreaming means the end. I promised myself that I wouldn’t let go but the pain and Agony kept on haunting. The flashing memories in my head. All I wanted was the fastest yet painless way to rest, for finally it was time to DREAM.
And I felt chills everywhere around me, lips were blue but I asked myself; why I was actually doing it? , I felt the floor beneath me, like a pillow under my head, no knives, couldn’t afford a gun but at least pills were cheap and definitely all I needed. I stared at the bottles I had ingested, I still thought to myself if this was right & why I was doing it.
When the effects were in full force, all I felt asides the pain was a cold warmth, like my spirit was beneath the deep crest of a wave, I felt Free, for once I felt so happy whilst enduring pain, finally I had seen the much anticipated Light, Finally my mind & Heart were never going to mess with me again. My poisonous smile had taken over & finally I had gained my freedom from the shackles of LIFE. The Joy I felt was like an Ocean of pure Light.
As I reminisced on the Endless memories of my Glory days, I thought to myself again – what if I was actually ruined by those who created me? , I saw Darkness, I loved it and followed it and the only way left from darkness was Down, I never cursed gravity neither did I blame anyone for my fall cos my Life was mine and whatever decision I made was mine , so why blame it on another. Besides God knows it wasn’t a fall at all, rather an ASCENSION like no other – Above all Things.
This was an experience I begged for; I wanted the End even when I knew it wasn’t coming. Luckily I almost got that which I wanted, I found out there actually was ‘NO’ end to this Miserable life I Lived. I was saved by a couple of people (Neighbours) who heard my subtle screams. On a normal day, I really wouldn’t expect them to care one bit but they actually reacted to my screams and for once I really felt like someone cared about my well-being. All I heard before I blacked out were prayers and eventually I woke up in a pharmacy some blocks away. I was SAVED and really it sucked then though.
When it was all over, I was bombarded with questions on the evil I wanted to commit, I was lost though but I remember I asked myself all through the ordeal, if I was making the right decision but all I heard was “YES”. Someone even called me an Evil, Confused & Angry child but that’s what I really was, quite alright. I overreact, and my conscience is dead plus I am too spontaneous and volatile but that’s who I am though.
I honestly regret the day when my Life almost stopped ticking cos of my dark twisted thoughts, agony and weakness.
Here is some international suicide Hotlines;
Ghana Suicide Hotline - +2332- 444- 71279
UK & Irish Suicide Hotlines - +44- 101- 8457
+1850- 60 -9090
+1850- 60 -9091
Websites in Ireland; www.samaritans.org
Email Helpline; firstname.lastname@example.org (24 Hours service)
Namibia Suicide Hotline; www.Lifeline.org.za/namibia.htm
Netherlands Suicide Hotline; 0602 – 222 – 88
South Africa’s Suicide Hotlines; 051 – 444 – 5691
+27 (0) 51 532 1100
+27 (0) 21 371 1481
+27 (0) 41 922 0068
Websites in S.A; www.lifeline.org.za
U.S Suicide Hotlines; +1-800-784-2433
These are few Hotlines I could write down, but if you need to see more preferably for your country, then visit “www.suicide.org/international” or “www.suicidehotlines.com/international” then choose your country’s Hotline.
Note*; Nigeria has no suicide Hotline but you could visit “www.Befrienders.org” if you’re in Nigeria and need help.
Finally Readers, SUICIDE has never been, will never be and must never be an OPTION, staying is also a way to SURVIVE through whatever ordeal you’re going through. Honestly I bet you don’t want to say you were powerless over something you would have triumphed over. We’ve all experienced unimaginable sorrow & pain and sometimes we feel this Life isn’t enough or worth it, but truly nothing surpasses LIFE. For the former (Sorrow, pain, and co) will pass and sooner you’ll be as happy as you’ve always wanted or have been. SO VALUE LIFE. #StayAlive #SayNoToSUICIDE #WeLoveYou