Saturday, 18 January 2014

Spilled Black Ink**


I wonder what I would tell you before we parted again. Would I just tell you goodbye again and watch you walk away as I seethed in pits of bitter unrequited feelings , or would I open the faucet and let those years of pent up feelings flow?

I'll miss you much.  Not a day goes by where you wouldn’t be on my mind. Through the years, you've brought out the absolute best in me.

I’ve never learned to say goodbye to you because you linger on in all of my moments. Even in the months we didn’t speak, as my eyes opened in the morning felt your presence and at night you crept into the crevices of my dreams. Could you believe that you still hold a special place in my heart after so long?

In the time when I finally decided it was time to forget you, I began to search for fragments of your being in my potential mates. I knew it was impossible to recreate something that felt so perfect, so I tried to redefine perfection. I tried once and failed horribly. I tried again and failed even more.

As I turn back to you and immerse myself in your warm glow, I wonder if I’m turning back to you just because I’m scared about those failures.  I have decided it isn’t fear that has pushed me back to you, but the need to look at us again with mature eyes.

You were the first person who pulled me off the shelf and read my story. You pushed me further and asked me questions, helping me discover myself. I can argue, as corny as it sounds, it wasn’t just a simple romantic connection, but a spiritual one that had occurred when you first walked through that door. You strived, in your simple way, to lift me from the trenches of depression and show me it meant to feel cared for. You strengthened me, cherished me, and shaped me into a better person. It was when I met you that I learned what it was to smile, laugh, and love and actually mean it. You became my companion.

You also shattered me. After you left, I singlehandedly picked up the shards of my wounded self. I was restored to my previous state, but now with the knowledge of how it felt to be cared for. That newly formed dimension was now barren, and I did not i don't know  how to cope. But I also learned to care for myself, and I'll be fine and be less dependent.

Now I look and wonder if I should just say goodbye and let you slip from my hands again? 




12 comments:

  1. You are a sad one.

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  2. Hmmm shattered Who broke your heart

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    1. My heart wasn't broken per say, I'm a nutshell; I'll just miss the said person too much !

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  3. This got tears in my eyes..

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  4. You explained your feelings well. Brava

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  5. No detail is spared at all in all your articles...

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    Replies
    1. It's only right that you understand all I feel, word for word.

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  6. Your ability to pour every single emotion into your piece makes it a balanced narrative!

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  7. Nice article dude, you'd make a good script writer.

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