Thursday, 13 December 2012

Breath Of Fresh Air **

    Maybe the Universe hates me – I said to myself, been ignoring all these & I know I shouldn’t be crying though but something is actually missing, that feeling you get from being Alone and Empty, after giving all but still “ No one Appreciates”, I wish I could figure out why?

    I went 375 miles just to see a couple of peeps but as luck would have it, as usual I was actually given countless excuses, I felt very rejected , Like an outcast -Alone but that’s a feeling I’m far too familiar with…I wish I could just forget all, God knows how & why it all turned this sour!

    As if that wasn’t enough, I met someone I’ve had a crush on like forever but I never believed in sharing my feelings cos I didn’t want to seem desperate like I was in a hurry to get into something or anything but I wanted to remain logical cos judging from the statistics of my ex-relationships (None had done better than my First), God knows I try my best but nothing stands the test of time with me.. The only person who mattered a Lot to me left me after I gave that one Entity the best years of my Life & the years went as fast as a wink, since then I never actually felt Trust for anyone or Entity asides me, I barely trust myself cos I even get evasive with my subconscious….

    I’m disturbed by a lot of things cos actually I don’t know why I attach feelings to things that actually aren’t supposed to be ….. I think I found the one, asides the whole trust issues and all, I still feel good around this entity, at least in a long time – I haven’t had this much fun or felt this much excitement just cos of some entity’s presence, but this particularly feels so Right, at the same time there actually is a problem – I don’t think it can be or rather I know it can’t work actually cos we are very different people, we come from separate worlds….

    When I first met this person, Lord knows I had so much Butterflies in my belly that I almost felt sick but I put my acts together, I felt this crazy aura around this one entity which only existed between I and my Ex (The first), when we got talking – we had so much in common that I actually prayed that God intervene and change this person on my behalf but I think God knows best why we aren’t together….

    From the moment we meet and had our first shabby date LOL, Lord knows I lost myself in time just thinking of that moment and also totally found myself, I instantly fell back in Love with almost everything I’d lost interest in, that’s the more reason I felt something could emerge from all these , Never thought I’d have fallen this hard for someone, but as time passed , I knew very well that we were just living in that particular moment, that it was going to fade the moment we left the Arena, Nevertheless I strive to make something outta nothing …..

    The chemistry we had was just indescribable, I felt I had found Perfection & it was putting me in the Right direction already, I swore that if it would have worked between us, I would have given all my affection cos I had finally found & created my Love persona in this Entity!

    But funny enough, I was the broken one, never really showed my emotions, I controlled myself, I never channeled my emotions to help out .Teardrops dripped down my face when I was on the coach back to school cos I felt the bittersweet taste of Love, but I’d still stand and swear down anywhere/any day that “It was by far the Best time I’ve had since the Beginning of my Existence” though I never got anything I wanted but I think I did it all for Love ….

   I wish I lived in that Moment for a while longer cos still I’m determined & prepared to die in the moment though. I wish I tried to show anything cos they actually say “Trying is an Action” but I didn’t try though, so I’ll keep following the plunging Aroma of Hope which keeps me going……

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