It almost regularly hits me that one day i may not have anyone or thing to call my friend,for year i've battled with this thought(s),i try my best to change my perception on life but instead ΐt gets Worse..
When i try to make friends,ΐt always is Swift,we get along so good that it actually almost looks perfect but with time we all just drift apart**
I'm very normal,i get so into whatever i dive into,i care a lot for my friends,but probably I'm not good enough to be cared for or trusted,when some people see me smile,they think "oh that boy is so full of life,he always is Happy" but no!!,No one actually knows how i feel,if ΐ don't smile they'll talk as usual but i smile cos i just wanna be left alone without questioning,besides does anyone actually give aah f**k about me??
I can imagine how it feels to be distrusted,if we call ourselves friends u should know i won't lie to u at all,i respect my friends,i'll do anything in my power to make them Happy,but still No one trusts me..it baffles me so much why one i call my Mentor & friend will even disbelief me...its just sickening..
I just feel very Rejected*,if you go through what i go through daily ,God knows what u would have done to yourself..Sometimes it gets so bad that i wish i wasn't even in existence....Anyone i try to get closer to just runs away its almost like I'm jinxed,Cursed or something...i've made a pledge to myself that "Suicide" would never be a thought anymore neither will i think of "Self Hurt"..i've actually asked my creator to kindly Erase me from the face of this Planet but yet i wake up every morning pretending to be Grateful for everyday...I'm just confused***
He knows me well & he sees ΐt all,he knows how i feel & yet he doesn't do shit about it "I'm angry but i don't want to question his existence cos he has helped me countless times" but why leave me to grow through all this...Why???