Sunday, 30 September 2012
ON MY OWN ***
On my own pretending like all is well, I know its all in my mind cos you cant choose what you win or loose, I learned that the Hard way, its has taken me years to move-on, but sometimes whatever decision one makes is actually all for the best.
I always ask myself why exactly I choose to be trampled on by my feelings & insecurities, Being Lonely is already a part me, I feel so entitled to a lot but funny enough I don’t get any. I always try to fight I know very much that I can’t win, can’t I wake up one morning without having to think or care about anybody or anything…
Have you ever been in a situation where whatever ounce of Goodwill that comes your way, almost always has a ton of bad luck alongside it, for some years I’ve come across some nice things and opportunities but I don’t understand why it always ends the way it does, seriously it gets so bad that I actually beg for Death myself, I very much know that I haven’t actually caused anyone’s misfortune or disappointments but why should whatever I delve myself into end in shambles, I always hear them say don’t give up, just cos you go through it doesn’t mean it’s the End, definitely I know its not the End, but to a possible extent I’ve had ENOUGH! I try my best to hold-on but NO! I can’t continue to be a prisoner in my own body.
This situation has also spread its tentacles along my friendship path, I can’t possibly find someone committed or friends who care enough to stick around, there was only one person who eventually turned out to be an impersonator, who actually was trying to make me Happy & not himself. I really am cautious as to relationships cos if actually I’m JINXED, then there’s actually no need getting myself into any relationship of any sort cos I don’t want to hurt anyone or myself, With all I go through , Definitely I can say that ‘The world I see is bigger now since I’m Alone” . It isn’t actually perfect being me but at least its getting Better, I’ve actually ruled out a lot of options in getting all these corrected but I’m still Hopeful and I know one day the sun is going to shine for me Alone, I will glow from within me with so much joy that the world is actually going to smile with Me.
I actually pity whoever suffers whatever I go through, it’s hard enough living, let alone with problems, cos we definitely give our all, we try our best but as usual it all crumbles before our very eyes, that why some people ask “where God actually is when all these are happening”.
You definitely cant change what’s been and done, all we need do is - take what we need and start the Long but fulfilling path to prosperity and recovery, It sure is hard to move-on but the joy afterwards is very Pleasant. I keep this fresh in my Head cos it has & will continue to be with me for the rest of my life that I once was very much Normal & God knows who I am now cos I definitely don’t know, To me I’ve turned out to be everything I actually didn’t want to be, Now all the stars have faded ,the ones we thought we knew were just strangers we tried to make into friends & I’ll try to hold on to Life now, cos actually there’s a Life worth more and I’ll also try not to fear, at least behind the grave there’s a Light, I will reach It back and at the End I know I’ll be ALRIGHT!